Twilight


This evening I took a walk and cleared my head.
I had no intention of creating clarity, but there was magic in the evening.

Walking down the street, headphones in ears,
I was reminded of how beautiful and peaceful the world is
If we only take a moment to pause to notice.

This is my favorite time of day, twilight.
The time when people have returned home from their days adventures.
They are settling in with their families for the night and beginning to make dinner.
The world is quiet and serene except for the sound of pots clinking in kitchens.

My favorite thing about this time of day, at this time of year, are the aromas in the air.
The flowers have all survived the heat of the day and are releasing their perfume into the ascending night. A house with its sprinklers on create the scents of freshly wetted earth and cooling pavement. I gaze up to see that the moon is just beginning to peek thru the blue of the sky, growing in intensity as the light fades to purple.

I love this time of day because it reminds me that I am alive;
That life is precious and that I should honor my body, my mind and my loved ones.

I walk past a bush of star jasmine and breathe in memories of my childhood.
Memories of timeless hours, of summers spent in the muddy waters of the Delta.
Waterlogged days followed by gusty evenings swirling with the scent of star jasmine and the sound of rustling palm trees dancing with the wind along the Milky Way.

Of peaceful nights on the water, where soft tongues lapped at the sides of the boat and
Country music traveled on the wind, rocking us to sleep as it fell into rhythm with the tide.

These memories are sacred.
They are of a time and a place unique to me and my family; a part of no one else’s history, a time I was to young to realize I’d one day miss.
For this reason I feel sad, an unrelenting melancholy over a time forever in my past.
And yet I can’t not feel gratitude.
Gratitude that the world chose to make me a part of this sacred experience and that I have three other precious souls to share it with.
Gratitude that its called to my memory now by the scent of jasmine swirling through the air as I walk along into the coming night.

Why We have too Few Women Leaders


So my sister shared this video with me yesterday, and I thought I’d pass it along to all my fellow chicas out there. Funny thing is last night I saw her on the daily show! Weird how these things work.

Anyway I found the video inspiring and worth sharing with all of you. I definitely found many of the things she talked about true to my life, and I think many of you will probably find things that are true to yours.

Go get em girls!

Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders

Tangled in Thankfulness


Waking to the beautiful sight of you sleeping beside me,
a kitten wrapped around your head with her face buried in your hair,
is one of the simplest, but most outstanding pleasures that life has granted me, and in those moments I give thanks to God.

To roll over and take in your smell,
to press myself against your warm, cuddly body and feel your life being
nourishes my soul in a way that nothing else in this world ever could.

You are my rock when the ground around me shakes violently
You are my window when all the doors are shut and locked
You see who I truly am, a being of both beauty and darkness,
of light and ugliness, of ecstasy and pain.

You hold me together when I am falling to pieces and I love you.

I know this love most in the moments when we are still and unspeaking, tangled together among blankets and down, a kitten hogging the pillow, the curtains closed from the light of the day.

Magic


It’s amazing how when you’re doing what you’re meant to the world knows it and acts accordingly.

Today the world whispered this knowledge to me and I listened.

The wind was in my favor, the magic just kept occurring.

Ideas flowed naturally, progressing more than I could have imagined, creative beauty spilling forth.

My head cleared and I could focus
I felt I had purpose and was one step closer to finding my path.

Though every step seems so small and insignificant along this journey, today I realized that these small steps equal progress and bring me one step closer to who I am meant to and long to be.

Stuck in My Head


Please enjoy my single Stuck in My Head . A song I wrote about being afraid of self-expression due to the fear of rejection.

Who am I?


Who am I to complain
Who am I to judge
Who am I becoming
Who am I going to be?

Who am I

I don’t even know me
Can’t seem to find my way
This person I think I want to be I can’t seem to emulate

Just can’t take it anymore


I just can’t take it anymore

This place is sucking all the life energy out of me.

I am trying to run from this disaster,

this sinking ship pulling me down

But I can barely tread water to keep afloat.

My muscles ache, my limbs are tingling numb

I just want to stop fighting because it seems to no avail

When will good change come?

Lost


Can’t handle this anymore
think that I might break

All these insecurities, all of this emotion
try to run, try to hide
but out of hiding places

The things I want most in life I don’t know how to go about
Constantly searching but yielding no results
Petrified like wood to rock
A soul lost in translation

The Other Road at the Fork


You’ve become such a part of my life so quickly and he has faded so fast
I hardly remember our time together and yet I’ll never forget
He was there for so long
I loved him so much, I thought I could never move on

But now I find myself falling so deeply it’s scary
My mind keeps telling me to slow down
I think I don’t deserve it, my inner monologue tells me so

How can you grow to love another when you still feel love for the one in your past

But where does the love go when a relationship has ended
It still remains, it never goes away

Because what you had once was real and special
and something new doesn’t make that go away

It doesn’t change the feelings you felt
or the way you’ll remember them
Your first love your first hope at happiness, a family, growing old together.

Your first dream of the white picket fence.

It doesn’t change what you could have had
It will always be there
In the back of your mind
At least at some level.

You just hope a new hope, build a new dream
Pray that this life you’ve left your old one for will be better than your last attempt at fate.

The Silent Struggle Against Self Expression


Thrust on stage
Lights in my face
Heart pounds in chest
Hands clenched at side

Act cool
Be calm
You’ll do great
Just breathe

The song starts
My heart beats faster
My breathe shallows
I inhale to curb the effects

I start singing
self doubt sets in

Damn it breath don’t fail me now
let me sing
let me get the words out
Why now, why here

The song continues
I feel the self loathing set in
It’s not going how I envisioned
If only my voice would work the way I know it will

The song ends…
I feel defeated
forgetting why I wanted to do it in the first place
So hard on myself
Instead of focusing at my triumph, I cower at my weaknesses

How do I stop this beast inside?

I must continue to be strong and fight against it until the voice in my dark corners is defeated.

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